Getting on that plane

When writing this I’m sitting in an airplane heading towards Bangkok, Thailand. I don’t know much about what will happen when I get there but I do know a few things. I do know that I don’t have a return ticket back home.

I do know that everything I currently own is tucked away in my backpack, resting safely beneath the seat in front of me. I also know that in December last year I quit my daily job.

The recent Autumn I had a lot of decision making to do and those decisions frightened me to the core. But all of that started with the one simple question:

Am I happy?

Let’s first get some facts straight. Last year I was working for a big international company as a web designer. It was a good job in many aspects and I had some truly great friends there, but what I started realizing after some time was that I was missing something. The flame was gone. I didn’t have the same glow and the same passion any longer. And that feeling started to wear me down. I felt lethargic. Reluctantly, questions started to pop up in my head but I dodged them at first, of course, brushed them off my shoulders like snowflakes. It was after all very comfortable and getting out of the comfort zone is hard work.

But it finally came to a point in time where I couldn’t be dishonest anymore, not with myself nor the company. It wasn’t fair to anyone. I caught the infamous glimpse in the mirror, and put the truth at stake. I had to go through some deep and nasty tunnels getting down to the core and try to find out what bothered me, and after long and winding roads I’ve got to some answers. I felt trapped. There was this fixed position in space that I returned to every day, and there was nothing there to fill me with joy. I started to turn into an empty shell.

I got no one to blame, the only one guy in this universe responsible for my happiness is me, so I had to take some action. It was a tough decision leaving the people, places and the work I knew behind but when it was finally made I was relieved, happy, eager, full of inspiration and once again enthralled by an exciting future.

My whole life I’ve always dreamed about traveling the world but I haven’t dared before. To be honest, the fear has been to great. The world is scary, right? But I decided it was time to let go of that fear, get out of my comfort zone and get myself on that plane. I’m not gonna have myself bounded by assumptions anymore. Assumptions is what keeps telling you things are too rough, too hard or too scary to do. Don’t listen to that, listen to your gut.

Now as I’m soon about to land in a complete foreign country I take a deep breath of relief and look forward for the shape of things to come. I have no idea what awaits me, nothing is planned. But I’m determined to encounter whatever comes my way with biggest curiosity and approach it with the mind of a beginner.