#Listen to your emotions
Instead of being your emotions, look at them and observe them. Instead of thinking “I am angry”, think “I notice some feelings of anger inside me”
#Acknowledging the other’s feelings
You don’t have to jump into reasoning with the other directly. Let them speak and acknowledge their problem by mirroring what they’re saying. This serves three useful purposes.
- It lets the person know you are seeking to understand, a gesture of respect.
- It makes sure you really understand what is being said.
- It allows you to go to your mental balcony for a few seconds and think before you are replying.
- To quote one of my favorite lines by Ambrose Bierce: “Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
- If you can learn how to say No skillfully and wisely, you can create what you want, protect what you value, and change what doesn’t work.
- Stopping is all-important because it interrupts your natural reaction, buys you time to think, and thus allows you to uncover your Yes. You may stop for a second, an hour, a day, or however long is required. What matters is to stop and get some perspective on the situation before proceeding with your No.