#Things to consider
- Negotiation is nothing more than communication with results.
- Use tactical empathy and listen to the other part.
- The way you act is more important than what you say.
- Use open-ended questions to get the counterpart to solve your problems.
#Negotiation is a process of discovery
Each piece of new information reveals a step forward and allows one to discard one hypothesis in favor of another. Your goal is to extract as much information as possible. Use your skills to reveal surprises that you know exist. Remember that until you know what you’re dealing with, you don’t know what you’re dealing with. You have to listen attentively. Don’t approach a negotiation preoccupied by the arguments that support your position. Remember to listen to the other party so you can unearth the information you need to build on. Your job is to be an information extractor. Engage in active listening. Make them feel safe. Remember that negotiation is not an act of battle—it’s a process of discovery.
#Tactical empathy
Empathy is paying attention to another human being, asking what they are feeling, and making a commitment to understand their world. This got nothing to do with agreeing with the other person’s values and beliefs. That’s sympathy. Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment, but also hearing what is behind those feelings. That so you can increase your influence in all the moments that follow.
#Be a mirror
Mirroring is a technique where you repeat back the last three words to the person you’re communicating with. This establishes trust and a feeling of bonding. The other person feels you’re listening to them. They will inevitably elaborate on what they just said and sustain that process of connecting. Remember to use silence at the end of a mirror to let it work its magic. You want the other person to reword what they just said. In the process you always discover more information for you to work with. The intention behind a mirror should be “Please, help me understand.” When you ask someone “What do you mean by that?” you’re likely to incite irritation and defensiveness. But a mirror will get you clarity while signaling respect and concern for what the other person is saying.
#How you say it is more important than what you say
People tend to focus all their energies on what they say or do. But it’s how we are that is the most immediately effective mode of influence. It’s also the easiest thing to enact. Smile at someone on the street, and as a reflex they’ll smile back. Understanding this reflex is critical to the success of every negotiating skill there is to learn. Remember that your most powerful tool in any verbal communication is your voice. When you smile you increase your own mental agility. People are more likely to collaborate when they’re in a positive frame of mind. Use your tone of voice to create safety that says I’m okay, you’re okay, let’s figure things out.
#Getting your way—without confrontation
Mirroring gives you the ability to disagree without being disagreeable.
There is a simple four step-process to this:
- Use the late-night FM DJ voice.
- Start with “I’m sorry…”
- Mirror.
- Silence. At least four seconds, to let the mirror work its magic on your counterpart.
- Repeat.
#Label their emotions
Labeling is a way of validating someone’s emotion by acknowledging it. If you give someone’s emotion a name you show you identify with how that person feels. Think of labeling as a shortcut to intimacy, a time-saving emotional hack. It gets you close to someone without asking about external factors you know nothing about. Labels always begin with roughly the same words:
- It seems like …
- It sounds like …
- It looks like … The word “I’ gets people’s guard up. When you say “I” it shows you’re more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow. “It” defuses all that and is a neutral way of labeling. Once you’ve thrown out a label, be quiet and listen. A label’s power is that it invites the other person to reveal himself.
#Labels as a way of apologizing
The next time you have to apologize for a stupid mistake. Go right at it. The fastest and most efficient means of establishing a quick working relationship is to acknowledge the negative and diffuse it. The phrase “Look, I’m an asshole” is an amazingly effective way to make problems go away. The best way to deal with negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts.
#Anchor the emotions
If you want to bend your counterpart’s reality, you will have to start with the basics of empathy. If you anchor their emotions in preparation for a loss, the other side’s fear of loss aversion will be so inflamed that they jump at the chance to avoid it.
#Establish a range
When you are confronted with naming your terms or price, you can counter by giving a range instead of a direct number. People who hear extreme anchors unconsciously adjust their expectations in the direction of the opening number. By giving a range above your “actual” number you can bend the reality of the counterpart. Just remember that they will always tend to the lower figure of that range. That’s okay, because it’s still higher than what you set out for.
#Different types of negotiators
There are three types of negotiators:
- Analysts — likes to think and evaluate before acting.
- Accommodators — most important task is to keep its peers happy. Very talkative.
- Assertives — thinks that time is money. Has a harsh tone and a “matter of fact” attitude.
Find out which type you have to deal with, in any negotiating situation.
#Prepare an Ackerman Plan
Define well prepared numbers of your target price. Start by going with 65% of your target price, then drop in 85%, 95% and 100%. It creates the illusion that your counterpart is squeezing you of everything you have, while you’re getting the number that you want.
#Uncover the Black Swans
Try to unearth what you don’t know. Don’t try to verify what you expect because then that’s the only thing you’ll find. Finding the Black Swans are crucial because you didn’t know they were there. The adversary is always the situation, never the person on the other side of the table.
#Loss aversion
People will take greater risks to avoid losses than to achieve gains. That’s why people who statistically don’t need insurance buy it.
#The Certainty Effect
People are drawn to sure things over probabilities, even when the probability is a better choice.
#The most powerful word in negotiations is “Fair”
The best way to respond when someone drops the fair-bomb by saying “I just want what’s fair!” is to take a deep breath. Then say, Okay, I apologize. Let’s stop everything and go back to where I started treating you unfairly and we’ll fix it.
If your counterpart has given you the reply “We’ve given you a fair offer,” the best reaction is to mirror the fair they’ve thrown you. Fair? you would respond, pausing to let the word’s power do to them as it was intended to do to you. Then you follow with a label: “It seems like you’re ready to provide the evidence that supports that.”
The best way to use the fair-word is to say early in the negotiation: “I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair, and we’ll address it.”