Good advice on how to handle people. In short: don’t criticize, show appreciation, think about what the other person want, don’t tell people they’re wrong. It’s a well structured book with concise chapters. Makes it easy to go back and use it as a reference.

#Make people feel important

There is a law for bringing countless friends and constant happiness: always make the other person feel important. And do it sincerely.

#Show a person you have faith in her

If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of her outstanding characteristics. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Let the other person know you have faith in his ability to do a thing. Be liberal in your encouragement, and make the thing seem easy to do. The other person wouldn’t want to let you down.

#The power of appreciation

  • John Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is ‘the desire to be important.’
  • Lincoln said: ‘Everybody likes a compliment.’
  • Charles Schwab said “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.”

Know the power of appreciation.

#Flattery is nothing but cheap praise

Flattery is selfish, while appreciation is unselfish. Flattery is universally condemned, while appreciation is universally admired. Flattery is nothing but cheap praise. Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks of himself. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget about flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation.

#What do the other person want?

The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. You have to “Bait the hook to suit the fish”. Talk in terms of what the other person wants.

Henry Ford said: ‘If there’s any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.’

We are all eternally interested in solving our own problems. If salespeople show us how their services will help us solve our problems they won’t need to sell. We will buy. Customers like to feel that they are buying—not being sold.

#Be genuinely interested in people

Did you ever stop to wonder that a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love? You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

#Remember peoples names

Take the time necessary to remember peoples names. When someone introduces themselves, write their name down to get both an eye impression as well as an ear impression.

#Emphasize the right things

When talking with people begin by emphasizing on the things which you agree. Don’t start by discussing the things on which you differ. The Socratic method is based on asking questions on which your opponent tends to agree.

#Switch the word “but” to “and”

Most people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed with the word but and then a critical statement. Change the but to an and so that you keep the credibility of your praise. For instance:

“We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.”

And then swapping the but with the and:

‘We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.’

#On giving orders

  • Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable—it often stimulates the creativity of the person whom you ask.
  • Give suggestions, not orders. Explain why you think the suggestion makes sense.
  • People are more likely to accept an order if they were part of the decision-making.
  • Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

#Be specific in your praise

Be specific in your praise. If you single out, and highlight specific accomplishments, instead of just making general flattering remarks, you come across as sincere. Remember: nobody wants insincerity, nobody wants cheap flattery.